motherhood · special needs · Uncategorized

Surviving My Worst Fears

August has NOT been my month!

Have you ever had that time in your life when things just keep going wrong? A time when there is no doubt that God is trying to get your attention? A time when you keep being brought to your knees and all you can do is ask why? You know, the serious stuff, not the ‘you failed a test, lost your phone charger, and broke your glasses’ kind of scenario. I mean, ‘you found a leak behind a wall in your home that caused extensive water damage that meant you had to move out for an undetermined amount of time, learned about possible asbestos, and then wrecked the only car your family has and was told your license had been expired for three months’ kind of wrong. The latter is how my August has gone.

My worst fears are probably pretty similar to yours. I have a nightmare-causing fear of tornadoes. I’m afraid of evil spirits lurking in dark corners at night. I am terrified of those “worst case scenario” type situations. For example, I fear that my husband will die and leave me alone with my two small children. I’m afraid of my house falling apart to the point of having to move out and await major repairs. Lately I’ve been completely terrified of getting in a wreck because we are a one car family with daily appointments. And, one of my very biggest fears used to be having a child with special needs. Too many of my worst fears are becoming my reality.

This last month has been one of the most stressful, fear inducing of my life. Our family of four (plus a dog) has moved nearly half of our possessions to two different locations in a matter of one week. On the first Saturday of August we realized that, despite having several different plumbers out to fix various leaks and old piping, we still had some kind of leak causing our kitchen cabinets to drip water and our floors to bow with moisture. After spider-bombing for the black widows who had moved into our crawlspace and sorting through whether we had a plumbing issue or an HVAC issue, we finally found water spraying from a hole in the wall behind our kitchen cabinet. The fix was simple and took all of three minutes. The next step was to have the construction company evaluate the job and get started on the demolition. But, the finding of possible asbestos material slowed the process down. We waited a week and a half for someone to come test it and didn’t get results for another five days after that. In that time, we started out at my husband’s grandparents’ house (shout out to them for being such a huge blessing and letting us invade their space!) and have finally made our way into an Airbnb after pleading with the owner to accept our rental request despite their no babies policy.

We had just started settling in and calming down when I was forced to face yet another of my fears. As if we needed any more problems to deal with, the Friday after we moved in to the Airbnb my perfect driving record was smashed- pun definitely intended.
We were trying to turn left across three lanes of traffic on a busy road during rush hour traffic when a Jeep appeared out of nowhere in the third lane and crashed into the front passenger side of our only vehicle. I had completely stopped in hopes that the other driver could stop in time or pull to the right and avoid a collision, but that just isn’t what happened. We were spun 90 degrees, lost all power to the car, and got pretty jostled around. Thankfully, no one was hurt- the kids are completely fine (Graco car seats for the win)! I was the only one with any injury right away and it was minor with a small scrape on my knee and a burn from the seatbelt on my chest (wear your seatbelts, kids! It kept me in the car). Ol’ Louie (my car) sustained the most damage, but it didn’t look too dramatic. When the officer issued me a citation for the wreck (yep, my fault) he let me know that my license was expired. Of course the wreck wasn’t the only problem! Why not throw in a three-months expired license, too, am I right?!? The icing on the cake of this incident? The couple who hit us and claimed to be completely fine, were walking around, and refused an EMS to check them out just like we did, has now decided that, since the wreck isn’t their fault, they want to take advantage of us and our insurance and claim that they were injured. If I sound mad about it, it’s because I am!

We have now learned that looks are, in fact, deceiving. My car didn’t look too badly beaten from the outside, but the mechanics have informed us that we were hit pretty hard and the frame of the car was bent. The repair estimate before they even started digging into it is close to totaled status. Our claim has been sent off to insurance and we’re waiting to hear official word about if our car is totaled or not. That process takes much longer than I would have ever expected.

I know no one really wants to keep hearing about all the things that have gone wrong in my life lately, so I’ll get to the point:
SO many things have gone wrong! SO many of my worst fears have come to pass! We did get in a wreck with our only car. We do have a major issue in our house that has caused us to have to move out with a non-mobile two-year-old and an infant. And speaking of that two-year-old…we did have a child with special needs!


When I thought about the possibility of these things happening before, I couldn’t see how it could ever be okay. I didn’t think I would be able to handle it. But, God keeps on showing up despite my fear and despite my reactions to it all. God has been right here in the middle of all of the mess with us, protecting us from much worse things and redeeming each “bad thing”. We are surviving. We have a roof over our head, we have a rental car, we have great insurance who replaced both baby’s car seats (🎶like a good neighbor, State Farm is there🎶), and we wouldn’t trade either of our kids, special needs or not, for anything in the world!

Do bad things happen. OH YEAH! They happen to bad people, and they happen to good people. No one is exempt. But it’s okay. It’s a season that will pass and in a couple of months we’ll be sitting back in our own home with our car in the driveway and our kids’ in our laps with smiling faces and it will have all been okay. God has never left us hangin’. I’ve realized that sometimes the things we fear most may not be so bad after all because God is SO much bigger than my fears.

“Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock.” Isaiah 26:4 NLT

3 thoughts on “Surviving My Worst Fears

  1. Hey Brianna, I am so very sorry that so many things have gone wrong this month, but those two beautiful children make everything worthwhile and you know GOD is in charge!!’ Love and hugs from Aunt Auretia!!


  2. Remember the Morton’s Salt jingle? When it rains it pours. That was your great grandmother Smith’s favorite saying. I’ve always combined it with “this too shall pass”. I commend those two ideas for your consideration. If you guys get in a car bind let me know and I’ll bring you my Mustang. Much love and prayers, Grandpa.


  3. Great blog! Thanks for sharing your heart, for being transparent, and for understanding just how big our God is!!

    On Wed, Aug 29, 2018 at 10:21 AM The Death of Perfect wrote:

    > The Death of Perfect posted: “August has NOT been my month! Have you ever > had that time in your life when things just keep going wrong? A time when > there is no doubt that God is trying to get your attention? A time when you > keep being brought to your knees and all you can do is ask w” >


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